Gentle Readers, I’d like you to know that the streets of Cincinnati run this way and that, without regard to whether or not you want to get THERE from HERE. Such is life; a philosophical lesson to be learned. (Yes, that was a semi-colon. Get over it.)
Searching for a long-lost relative, half way up the hill, neither HERE nor THERE, ChronicJimmy had time to reflect. About a long lost love. A yearning for marital bliss, and the hopeful possibility of a messy divorce.
You see, ChronicJ missed his window of opportunity in the sunny state of California. Instead of years of wedded bliss, now the most he can hope for is years of civil union-ness. What a bitter blow. And in the midst of such a shallow depression, ChronicJ’s ever-helpful sister sent him a link to a Wikipedia article with the note: “Why don’t you move to Iran or Mauritania, you whiney pain in the ass.” Here is the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_laws_of_the_world
Well, what do the laws of some backward towel-headed nations have to do with those of the Beacon of Liberty? And aren’t Muslims, Catholics, and Bible-Thumping Baptists just god-damned annoying? (That is, unless they are black or brown. Chronic Jimmy has nothing against oppressed Members of Darker Races (MODR), even if they are narrow-minded.)
Though an enthusiastic fan of the Miss America (wait, or was that Miss Universal? or Miss Milky Way? or Miss Miss U? or Miss USA? or Mz. Tery? or Mz. Informed?) pageant since the tender age of three, ChronicJ is furious at that bleach-blonde bikini-wearing slut for growing up in a household that didn’t hold gay rights in the highest esteem. Though it may be true that the Islamic-terrorists-who-hate -Great-Satan-America often kill homosexuals whenever they have the opportunity, isn’t it true that a dippy beauty contestant representing the progessive state of California should just damn well KNOW BETTER! I spit on her spiked heels! Death to her colorist!
OK. Let ChronicJ compose himself. Though many rights have been violated throughout the centuries from one society to another, isn’t it time we all came together, held hands, sang Kumbayah, and had a sip of chardonnay together? Well, except in those places where enjoying a glass of wine is punishable by death. In those places, please have a delightful cup of tea. If you are allowed out of your house. Please, ladies, put on your bourquas, find Uncle Sahid, and tootle on over to the local tea-house for a drink of solidarity. And remember, when in Saudi Arabia, let the human with the penis do the driving.
Fascist Americans! Shame on you! Let Freedom and the wedding bells ring for all throughout this great land!
