Cincinnati, Patty Du Cake Reporting – An innovative vocational program for young men has recently been instituted at the Union Christian Post Graduate Academy in the Cincinnati suburbs.
“This is an outreach program as well as a rigorous vocational course of study,” commented principal Long Dong Silver, “in an industry that has been underserved by the evangelical community.”
The school educates young men between the ages of 17 and 20 in a warm and welcoming Christian environment. In addition to more traditional programs such as computer programming and wood shop, the school also offers a series of classes designed to help the student obtain a job in the booming field of adult movies.
“Conservative Christians used to fight the industry” conceded Mr. Silver. “But we are offering a new approach which not only affirms the beauty and artistry of the sexual aspects of human nature, but also acknowledges Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior.”
The recent hire of Mary Ems, who plead guilty to “unlawful sexual conduct with a minor” while a special-education teacher at Winton Woods High School adds a layer of depth the program would otherwise lack.
“We’re excited about Ms. Ems joining our faculty. Her knowledge of the erotic needs of strong young men is titillating, to say the least.” Mr. Silver noted that Ms. Ems resume includes several years working summers at the Hustler store downtown. “She’ll have the technical knowledge needed to arouse her students to do their best. Hopefully, Union Christian will become an orgasmic example of the power of faith that pushes the soul to run deeper, harder, and longer.”

